First Lines: De eerste maandag van de maand

Peter Zanting’s second novel De eerste maandag van de maand was released on September 1st, 2014. And since that was the first Monday of the month, you could download it for free on that day. Don’t ask me how that link came to me, but it did, and something triggered me enough to download it, put it on my e-reader and, almost two years later, read it. I am glad I did.

De eerste maandag van de maand is a novel about the illusion of having any form of control over your life. There is Boris — born on the first Monday of the month — who loses his handle on his OCD when his girlfriend breaks up with him, on the first Monday of the month. (“I think it should be over,” she said. “I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone who… I don’t even know who you are.”) He then moves in with his father, widowed on the same first Monday of the month his son was born, and he turns out to be just like his son: silent, keeping things inside and hidden from the world. The only way they can help each other is when they face their own weaknesses.

So, the book started out all fun and games, but then the knife came out and plunged in my gut and twisted and turned there. That was when the father recalled how he first started to deal with this OCD-like thing. Through medication, he got his tics under control, but he realized he had burdened his son with its legacy. And that, that is something I can relate to.

Book read
Peter Zantingh — De eerste maandag van de maand
First line
Dat weekend was de klok een uur teruggezet.

First Lines: Stephen King Short Story Collaborations

In 2012, Stephen King released two collaborative short stories. So far, they remain uncollected in an anthology.

The first of the two, In the Tall Grass was written with Joe Hill (their second collaboration, after Throttle). It’s a lot like King’s own Children of the Corn, but then really sick. Loads of fun.

A Face in the Crowd was written with Stewart O’Nan, who also co-wrote Faithful. (Still haven’t read that one, as it’s about the 2004 Boston Red Sox season, and I’m not that into baseball. But I’ll get to it, someday.) It’s about old man Dean Evers, who sees familiar faces in the crowd at these baseball games he’s watching. Which would be cool, if only these faces wouldn’t belong the already deceased. Nice little story as well.

Story read
Stephen King & Joe Hill — In the Tall Grass
First line
He wanted quiet for a while instead of the radio, so you could say what happened was his fault.
Story read
Stephen King & Stewart O’Nan — A Face in the Crowd
First line
The summer after his wife died, Dean Evers started watching a lot of baseball.

First Lines: Don Quixote

It’s official: I give up. I’ve waded through the first part of Miguel de Cervantes’ Don Quixote, but after a few chapters of the second part I gave up. I just can’t do this any more. It’s too tedious. You have that hidalgo Don Quixote, who has gone so raving mad from reading too many romances of chivalry, that he is convinced that he is a member of the lost and honorable order of knights-errant. So he goes out righting wrongs, setting free captured innocents, rescuing fair maidens and slaying giants. (This last episode, the famous one with the windmills, comes early on and lasts all of a page and a half.) Except that there is an awful lot of talking, and repetition, and asides, and references to other romances of chivalry, and blah blah blah.

I’m very sure that it is a very important book and all that, but it’s apparently not for me. (Given that the second part was published ten years or so after the first one, I think I deserve a pass.)

Book read
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra — The Ingenious Hidalgo Don Quixote de La Mancha (Fourth-Centenary Translation. Translated and with notes by Tom Lathorp)
First line
In a village in La Mancha, which I won’t name, there lived not long ago an hidalgo of the kind that have a lance in the lance rack, an old shield, a lean nag, and a fleet greyhound.

Seen Live: a balladeer @ De Vereeniging

Marinus’ slightly over an hour long, slightly more upbeat that usual solo set on the lovely terrace of De Vereeniging was the 22nd time I saw him (with or without band) perform. So, ehm, did I say his new record A Wolf at the Door is ace? No? Well, it is ace. Here’s the final track, “Therefore”, which at the moment is probably my favorite:

There will be a full band tour in September, and I’m quite looking forward to that as well.

Seen live
a balladeer (solo) at Terras De Vereeniging, Amersfoort on July 21st, 2016
Set list
A Little Rain Has Never Hurt No One / A Wolf at the Door / Summer / Therefore / Superman Can’t Move His Legs / Plan B / Nightmare on Elm Street / Swim with Sam / Oh California / Incompatible / Trust Fall / 10 Things To Win You Over // Jolene (Dolly Parton cover) / Mary Had a Secret

First Lines: Inferno

Inferno, or, “How Renowned Symbologist Robert Langdon Dutifully Rushes Through Another Improbable Plot” is the fourth of Dan Brown’s Robert Langdon novels, and the third one to be turned into a massive blockbuster. Years ago, I read the first two in the series (The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons, the later of which is still my favorite) as well as the stand alone novel Digital Fortress in quick succession, which completely turned me off of Dan Brown. After reading three of his books, I could not help but conclude that he is a one trick pony. Every book was basically the same paint by numbers story, with only the colors changed.

So I wasn’t completely shocked to find that Inferno was cut from the same cloth: Langdon wakes up in an Italian hospital with no memory of how he got there. Then, there’s someone after him and he has spend a day running and solving clues hidden in artwork (Dante! Boticelli!) and picturesque historic locations (Florence! Venice! Istanbul!). All this accompanied by a pretty, smart young girl.

I think that this time around, I found what irked me about Dan Brown’s books.

It’s not the fact that he isn’t the greatest writer around. His style is clunky, his sentences are needlessly detailed and overwrought, his characters are as flat as the paper they don’t develop on, the plots with their twists and turns and role reversals and all the other tropes thrown in for good measure are pretty dumb — but — he knows how to keep you entertained. Short chapters, cliffhanger upon cliffhanger, one-liners and quippy comebacks that would make CSI Maimi’s Horatio Cane blush — “Sienna went pale. ‘Don’t tell me we’re in the wrong museum.’ ‘Sienna,’ Langdon whispered, feeling ill. ‘We’re in the wrong country.’” YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH.* — rapid pacing: he knows ho to write a book that’s crying out to be a movie.

Inferno fits this mold: it’s dumb, it’s bad, but in a harmlessly fun way.

No, it’s probably that I now fully realized that Dan Brown is a writer of badly written Dan Brown fanfiction.

Robert Langdon is the man Dan Brown wishes he could be: a handsomely charming famous renowned professor, well-versed in art history, symbology and the conspiracy theories, author of well-received books, traveling the world and seeing the sights alongside pretty young females. The go-to-guy when a mad scientists will doom (doom! I say!) half of humankind and the only clue is hidden with obscure art references, and that guy from National Treasure turns out to be Nicholas Cage. Which is good and fine when you write it in the comfort of your own home and don’t bother the rest of the world with it. But when your bad fanfiction goes on to sell millions of copies for real world money, well…

But fuck it. Taken in light doses every few years or so, it’s awesomely craptacular entertainment.

Book read
Dan Brown — Inferno
First line
I am the Shade.

* Hat-tip to this excellent review for helping me find the right words in this one.