…and a new one’s just begun

Here are some leftovers from last year.

  • Just in from the Department of Things that are Bloody Obvious: Study Finds That Teenage Virginity Pledges Are Rarely Kept.
  • Also: when having sex for the first time on a class trip, don’t send your father a text message. Insert your own fail joke here.
  • There are several proposed First Laws of the Internet, but this one rings very true: If you think some item of pop culture is amusing or interesting, someone, somewhere, has a posted a frighteningly obsessive website about it.
  • Sure, why not: Kissing the Ceiling.
  • So, you’re teaching English literature in high school, but you object to some sexual scenes and strong language in the book you’re supposed to teach. What to do? Well, obviously, you tear out some pages.
  • Mona Lisa, as evolved by a computer.
  • OMFG, otters!
  • Dutch is said to be a difficult language to learn. I, for one, just can’t get my head wrapped around this rule: if a Dutch word ending with ‘-ier’ indicates a person, the plural ends with ‘-s’. (e.g. herbergier ? herbergiers, premier ? premiers), otherwise the plural ends with ‘-en’. (e.g. papier ? papieren, stier? stieren.)
    Particular annoyance? The vampire. Officially, it’s one vampier and two vampiers. But vampiers conflicts with my personal guideline about spelling: if it looks and/or sounds wrong, it probably is wrong. I would go for vampieren.
  • The budget of the Dutch Ministry for Youth and Families exceeds that of, say, the Ministry of Justice.
  • Speaking of the Ministry for Youth and Families, it’s headed by his excellency minister Andre Rouvoet. He’s in the middle of this picture. And I just can’t decide whether it’s a very bad or a very appropriate photograph.

Another year over

As tradition would have it, my last post of the year is a big end-of-year list. (2003, ’04, ’05, ’06 and ’07) This year’s list is a bit long, I’m afraid. Make a nice end to this year, and see you on the other side.

Music

  • Album of the year
    1. a balladeer — Where Are You, Bambi Woods?
    2. Bløf — Oktober
    3. Daniël Lohues — Allenig II
    4. Ayreon — 01011001
    5. Opeth — Watershed
  • Song of the year
    1. a balladeer — Jesus Doesn’t Love Me [download]
    2. Coldplay — Viva La Vida [youtube]
    3. Bløf — Vallende Engel [youtube]
    4. Daniël Lohues — Angst is mar veur eben, spiet is veur altied [download]
    5. Ayreon — Beneath the Waves [video]
  • Cover of the year
    • Winner: Wende – Laat me (Ma dernière volonté) (original version by Serge Reggiani, Dutch version made famous by Ramses Shaffy) [youtube] [download]
    • Honourable mention: Lisa Loeb — Love is a Rose (I didn’t know the original version by Neil Young, but it’s the sweetest little song) [download]
  • Inspirational theme song of the year
    • Elton John — I’m Still Standing [youtube]
    • Depeche Mode — Walking in my Shoes [youtube]
  • Musical (re-)discoveries of the year
    • Daniël Lohues / Skik
    • Cher (1987–1991)
  • Live performances (and other cultural events) I’ve attended this year
    • 2008–12–09 — Wende, Stadstheater, Zoetermeer
    • 2008–12–01 — Dolf Jansen, Echt / Oudejaarsvoorstelling 2008, De Flint, Amersfoort
    • 2008–11–25 — Opeth + Cynic + The Ocean, Melkweg, Amsterdam
    • 2008–11–17 — Within Temptation, Vredenburg Leidsche Rijn, Utrecht
    • 2008–11–11 — “Tanz der Vampire”, Metronom Theater, Oberhausen, Germany
    • 2008–11–06 — Bløf, Tivoli Oudegracht, Utrecht
    • 2008–11–01 — Theatergroep Ponies, Kaas en de Evolutietheorie, Theater Kikker, Utrecht
    • 2008–10–07 — a balladeer + Long Conversations and the Closet Orchestra, Tivoli De Helling, Utrecht
    • 2008–09–15 — Golden Earring, De Flint, Amersfoort
    • 2008–08–04 — Meat Loaf, Heineken Music Hall, Amsterdam
    • 2008–07–06 — Xystus & USConcert, Equilibrio, Vredenburg Leidsche Rijn, Utrecht
    • 2008–06–18 — Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, Amsterdam Arena, Amsterdam
    • 2008–05–23 — Bløf + Stevie Ann, Vechtse Banen, Utrecht
    • 2008–05–16 — Wende & Het Metropole Orkest, Muziekcentrum Frits Philips, Eindhoven
    • 2008–05–14 — Jon Oliva’s Pain + Manticora + Masterstroke, 013, Tilburg
    • 2008–05–07 — Daniël Lohues, Allennig II, Orpheus, Apeldoorn
    • 2008–04–27 — Maaike Martens (lunchconcert), Stadsschouwburg, Utrecht
    • 2008–03–21 — Nightwish + Pain, Heineken Music Hall, Amsterdam
    • 2008–03–15 — Annatar + Vanedís, De IJsbreker, Leusden
    • 2008–03–01 — Van Muiswinkel & Van Vleuten, Prediker en Hooglied, De Flint, Amersfoort
    • 2008–02–24 — Wende, Stadsschouwburg, Utrecht
    • 2008–02–08 — Jeroen van Merwijk, Graag, meneer Van Merwijk, De Flint, Amersfoort
    • 2008–01–27 — Ayreon, 01011001 release party, Stairway to Heaven, Utrecht
  • Concert of the year
    1. 2008–05–14 — Jon Oliva’s Pain + Manticora + Masterstroke, 013, Tilburg
    2. 2008–05–07 — Daniël Lohues, Allennig II, Orpheus, Apeldoorn
    3. 2008–06–18 — Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, Amsterdam Arena, Amsterdam
    4. 2008–05–16 — Wende & Het Metropole Orkest, Muziekcentrum Frits Philips, Eindhoven
    5. 2008–11–11 — “Tanz der Vampire”, Metronom Theater, Oberhausen, Germany
  • Honourable mention
    • 2008–11–17 — Within Temptation, Vredenburg Leidsche Rijn, Utrecht
  • And the “The Singer Should Be Fired Award” goes to…
    • 2008–08–04 — Meat Loaf, Heineken Music Hall, Amsterdam
  • Best Performance by a band I hadn’t heard of
    1. 2008–03–15 — Annatar, De IJsbreker, Leusden
  • Musical OMGWTFBBQ of the year
    1. Coldplay made an album that didn’t suck, and is actually quite good.

Literature

  • Books I’ve read this year (in reversed chronological order)
    • Stephen King — Storm of the Century
    • Neil Gaiman — Coraline
    • Terry Pratchett — Small Gods
    • John Ajvide Lindqvist — Let the Right One In (Låt Den Rätte Komma In)
    • Christopher Paolini — Brisingr (Inheritance Book Three)
    • Neil Gaiman — The Graveyard Book
    • Stephen King — Dolores Claiborne
    • Michael Scott — The Alchemyst (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel)
    • Stephen King — Secret Windows: Essays and Fiction on the Craft of Writing
    • Stephen King — Gerald’s Game
    • Cees Nooteboom — Philip en de anderen
    • J. Bernlef — Eclips
    • Philip Pullman — Once Upon a Time in the North
    • George Orwell — Nineteen Eighty-Four
    • Stephen King — Four Past Midnight
    • Neil Gaiman — Stardust, Being a Romance Within the Realms of Faerie
    • George Orwell — Animal Farm
    • Terry Pratchett — Soul Music
    • Stephen King — Pet Cemetary
    • Edgar Wallace — Mr. Justice Maxell
    • Terry Pratchett — Hogfather
    • Christopher Hitchens — God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
    • Stephen King — Duma Key
    • Nick Hornby — High Fidelity
    • Rich Wilson — Lifting Shadows, The Authorized Biography of Dream Theater
    • Joris Luyendijk — Het zijn net mensen: Beelden uit het Midden-Oosten
    • Jeroen van Merwijk — Dit lees je nooit
    • H.P. Lovecraft — Tales of H.P. Lovecraft: Major works selected and introduced by Joyce Carol Oates
  • Favorite books of the year
    1. Neil Gaiman — The Graveyard Book
    2. Stephen King — Duma Key
    3. Michael Scott — The Alchemyst (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel)
    4. Neil Gaiman — Stardust, Being a Romance Within the Realms of Faerie
    5. Terry Pratchett — Small Gods
  • Favorite non-fiction book of the year
    • Joris Luyendijk — Het zijn net mensen: Beelden uit het Midden-Oosten
  • The books I enjoyed the least (or enjoyed for all the wrong reasons)

This website

  • There have been 4,137 visits from 2,639 unique visitors, resulting in 7,003 pageviews. Thanks for stopping by.
  • Visitors came by from 76 countries on all six continents. Top 5 countries with the most visitors:
    1. The Netherlands
    2. United States
    3. United Kingdom
    4. Belgium (hi, John)
    5. Germany
  • Search engines account for 30.99% of my visitors, and like last year Google is the most popular by far. 648 different keywords have been recorded
  • Most keywords fall in the following categories
    1. a (random) book title generator
    2. evil nickname(s)
    3. 5, 9 or 18 levels of hell
    4. meat loaf, jim steinman, “I’d Do Anything for Love” and related stuff
    5. breastcancer, PGD and the mess the Christenunie made of that
  • Then, there were some interesting searches that ended up somewhere on this website
    1. how to say i look like a idiot in dutch
    2. nightwish tuomas chipped nail polish
    3. jesus cyste the musical
    4. meatloaf in commercial with his actual son?
    5. mouthsex
  • Finally, these keywords make me all feel fuzzy inside and give me a sense of “job well done”
    1. why things are said that don’t make sense
    2. i thought of you today
    3. meatloaf and axl rose herods song (and other demented variations thereof)
  • Of the 115 posts I made this year (that’s about one post every three days), these were the most popular:
    1. Old Crow out of Hell (262 pageviews)
    2. On the Midnight at the Lost and Found singles (134)
    3. No promises, no debts (130)
    4. On the Secret Dreams & Forbidden Fire singles (101)
    5. Friday night at Lost&Found (85)
  • Other popular pages include
    1. The Book Title Generator 2.0 (956 pageviews — 464 of them on July 29, when it got stumbleupon‘d.)
    2. the slides for my presentation on what Meat Loaf won’t do for love (116)
  • Over 15 people (including me) left 65 comments, while some 3000 comments were automagically rejected as spam.
  • In the browser wars, Internet Explorer seems to be losing ground. Good. Even better, the amount of visitors using IE6 this month has dropped to 15% of all IE-using visitors, from 30% in January.
  • The download page alone wasted 8.6 Gigabytes of bandwidth. The most popular of the public downloads were:
    1. Karla DeVito – Wake ‘Em Up in Tokyo (full album) (2GB)
    2. Meat Loaf – Bat Out Of Hell (live version) (416MB)
    3. Bonnie Tyler – Holding Out for a Hero (extended remix version) (194MB)
    4. Bonnie Tyler – Holding Out for a Hero (instrumental) (193MB)
    5. Bonnie Tyler – It’s Not Enough (183MB)
    6. Meat Loaf – Lost Love (182MB)
    7. Bonnie Tyler – I Do It for Yo (169MB)
    8. Bonnie Tyler – Under Suspicion (161MB)
    9. Desmond Child and Todd Rundgren discussing the idiocy that is “If God Could Talk” (156MB, which is strange, as I removed the link on January 2, 2008)
    10. Bonnie Tyler – Loving You’s A Dirty Job (weird version) (154MB, and no one who could identify that version)
  • The (almost) Complete Meat Loaf & Jim Steinman lyric archive burned away 812MB of bandwidth, which mostly consists of HTML, CSS and the occasional image. There were 24k visits to 53k pages.

Everything Else

  • Favorite website of the year
  • Favorite word of the year
    • Toeterturk (someone who celebrates an event by driving a car around while blasting the horn loudly, perferably in the middle of the night)
  • Least favorite word of the year
    • Swaffelen (to swing and intentionally tap the male genitalia against an object)
  • Places I’ve spent the night this year
  • Reasons why, this year too, tall people rule harder than the short ones
    • Just because.
  • Things that bothered me to no end this year
    • People writing ‘copy write’ when they mean copyright, ‘web sight’ when they mean ‘website’, and variations on that theme.
    • “Ik heb hier een brief voor me moeder.”, “Dat is me fiets.” and similar insults to the Dutch language.
    • The expletive ‘crapdammit’ still not breaking through into the mainstream.
    • Stupid people with stupid opinions.
    • Catering to Internet Explorer 6’s vast array of inaquadicies.
  • Things that, as fas as I’m concerned, may go extinct in 2009
    • Complaints about the ban on smoking: it’s there, it doesn’t seem like it’s going away, it’s your dirty habit, so suck it up and don’t bother me with it.
    • Politicians trying to force their religious worldviews on the rest.
    • Everything 2.0. In fact, make that everything digit point decimal that isn’t actually software.
    • Internet Explorer 6. Outdated piece of crap.
    • People adding disclaimers like “but that’s how I feel” to almost everything they say. It’s your opinion, so stand by it. Own your words.
  • Favorite photo’s I shot this year
    1. Der Kaiser II (by evil nickname) Der Kaiser II
    2. Sheds (by evil nickname) Sheds
    3. Zie de zon schijnt door de bomen (by evil nickname) Zie de zon schijnt door de bomen
  • My year in tweets
    1. observation: as soon as it starts to rain, people in cars turn into total fuckwits 5:45 PM Jan 21st
    2. Briefgeheimen: “Als ik tussen ander mensen loop voel ik me net een reus.. ik ben 1m95.” Cry me a river. http://tinyurl.com/2pqj96 6:07 PM Mar 11th
    3. zelf zoiets verzinnen lukt je niet: “homobelangenorganisatie wijst homoseksuele relaties af” http://tinyurl.com/39v7rz 9:22 AM Apr 3rd
    4. “Bel de bergingsdienst, ik voel me een wrak,” kent u die uitdrukking? 8:34 AM Apr 17th
    5. Juggling is not for me: I almost had a big-ass kitchen knife sticking through my hand. 6:44 PM Apr 30th
    6. me: 1 – people peddling religion and the bible: a big fat zero 10:37 AM May 22nd
    7. Why is it, to cite Ian Hunter, that all of the good ones are taken? 2:00 AM May 31st
    8. The downside of staying somewhere with less privacy than home: crazy behaviour will be noticed. No singing along with Maiden for me. 3:25 PM Aug 8th
    9. apathy sucked my interest in almost anything out of me 11:56 PM Aug 20th
    10. Once again, a member of the female species told me she didn’t want to see me anymore. She was my physical therapist, but still 9:17 AM Nov 20th
  • Things I’m planing to do in 2009
    • Write more and better stuff.
    • Perfect my crème brûlée making skills. The first try was perfect apart from the caramelized top, the second a complete and utter failure except for the top.
    • I’m going to try to keep up the ‘see at least one concert or other cultural event each month’ schedule.
    • See at least one version of Tanz der Vampire. (How about combining Belgium and Vienna?)
    • Finish my list of 100 things I want to do before I die.
    • Furthermore: don’t mess with perfection.

First lines: Storm of the Century

Little Tall Island, the same island where Dolores Claiborne did or did not made her husband disappear, is being hit by probably the heaviest storm in, well, a long while. It’s a big one, and the people in this small community are cut off from the main land. Then, in good Stephen King tradition, Evil comes

As Storm of the Century was originally conceived as a mini-series for TV, the only release in book form is the official screenplay. Which means that the dialogue, scene headings, scene descriptions, camera movements and all that are formatted as one would expect a screenplay to be formatted. (For those of you who have no such expectations, here’s a guide to script formatting.) This takes some getting used to, but I thought it actually worked rather well. Sure, the constant reminders that the wind howls around the town hall, the waves are pounding the lighthouse, and it snows like it hasn’t in ages while the wind still howls get a bit annoying. But the screenplay format offers possibilities that might not work as well, or at all, in a novel. Simply telling what the camera sees (e.g., close up on a face, where we slowly see the realization of the evil that has just been done) works better than, say, following a bird around as it flies over the woods and though town.

Would Storm of the Century work as a novel as well? Probably. Would it be as engaging as this screenplay? Who knows. Would it be worth checking out the mini-series? I think I might just give it a shot.

Book read
Stephen King — Storm of the Century: an original screenplay
First line
SNOW is flying past the lens of THE CAMERA, at first so fast and so hard we can’t see anything at all.

It’s Newtonmas

The law of universal gravitation (by Doblonaut)

Isaac Newton was born on Christmas Day, 1642, ¹ which makes today Newtonmas. Go eat an apple and rejoice. ²

  1. Yes, I know that Wikipedia says he was born on January 4th, but you have to see it in the proper historical context: up until 1752, England was using the Julian calender, which was ten days behind on the Georgian calender when Newton was born. ­³
  2. Or celebrate it in any other way you see fit. It’s not like there is a canonical way for this not all too popular feast anyway.
  3. And while we’re one it: yes, I’ve noticed that the footnotes are longer than the whole post.
  4. Photo credit: The law of universal gravitation by Doblonaut

First lines: Coraline

Neil Gaiman’s Coraline, soon to be a major stop-motion picture, is the story about a little girl who finds a world, slightly different from her own. There, she’s trapped by her ‘other’ mother (who has sown-on buttons for eyes) and she has to use all her cunning and bravery to get herself out of that pickle.

There’s no escaping the fact that this is a children’s book. It’s short, lighthearted and clearly aimed at younger readers. But it’s also a clever and fun. So, for what it is, it’s great. But then again, Gaiman hasn’t let me down yet.

Boo read
Neil Gaiman — Coraline
First line
Coraline discovered the door a little while after they moved into the house.