Did I Say That?

In other news...

I just finished burning a CD that I have to drop off tomorrow. When that's done, my internship is over. Ergo, I can start looking for something else (what most likely won't be another study). For the past seven years I have been a student, and since two weeks and one day I'm graduated. The only thing I have to do is to collect my diploma.

For those of you who don't know how it works, I had to do an assignment as an itern by a company, write a paper about how I handled that project, and hold a presentation and defend the paper. The whole last part has left me with a kind of sour aftertaste. OK, so I'm graduated, but I can't say I'm exactly thrilled about how it happened. And although people say I shouldn't complain because a) I'm graduated, and b) nobody cares about what grades you got, a 6 (out of 10) is still very disappointing to me. Ah well, shucks.

Suicide is painless? I bloodly well hope it's not!

Well, if someone needs to fuck up the Dutch Railway's timetable even further by jumping in front of a train, so be it. But don't jump in front of my train, ok?!

Really, if you'd like to kill yourself, fine. Go ahead and see if I care. Just don't fuckin bother me with it. Swallow all of the pills in your medicine-cabinet, go dangle on the end of a rope, slit your wrists the right way, go ahead. If you want to take the easy way out, fine. Just do it some way that doesn't affect anybody else.

Sure, family and friends will be affected, but that's to be expected with death. What I don't understand is what the train's driver has to do with it. Or what I have to do with it, for that matter. I was sitting in train, minding my own damn business, when I hear the train's horn, a thud, and smack against the window. In a reflex, I look up, just in time to see a body make some akward tumbelings. I do not need that kind of crap.

They might say that suicide is painless, well, I bloody well hope it ain't. That asshole deserved to be in a lot of pain. Fuck him, and the fucking selfrighteous horse he fuckin rode in on. I hope he goes to hell and burns.

Suicide is no solution. Bottomline.

Fan-fuckin-tanz-tic!

Friday, April 23rd, 2004
06h00: Alarm goes off, shower, some food, final "do I have anything check", to the bus.
07h54: Leaving Amersfoort on the international train to Osnabrück.
10h22: Arriving in Osnabrück, dashing towards my connecting train, only to realise I should have waited on the next train, according to my reservations.
11h20: Arriving in Bremen, got of the train to see if there was anything semi-interesting to do around the station, and then catch my train for Hamburg. The station was too far from the center to go there, so I had some coffee, and hung around.
12h22: The train I should have been in, was delayed by 45 minutes. I took the advise from some German railwayperson, and took a much slower train, with much more stops to Hamburg.
13h45: Arriving in Hamburg, took the subway to my hotel, checked in, dropped my bags, and off I was.
14h55: I walked down the Max Brauer Allee to the InnerCity hotel near the Altona station. There I was supposed to meet up with some other Steinpeople. I went in, and saw two people of which I thought that they propably woulnd't be part of the group, and went out again.
15h30: After some shopping (I bought my 3rd CHSIB-copy, this one on LP, to complete my collection), and went back to the hotel. The very first thing that happend when I walked in, was getting a "finally some I know" hug from Klasien. I met Johan, Judy, Ann and Di(ane). The two people who were sitting there before, turned out to be Gerd and Iris, and part of the group after all. Will, Dagna, Steen and Baal showed up later, and then-
16h00: Dinner at some restaurant across the street. I had a pepper steak - Di, the green things were peppers, hence the pepper steak :) - some wine, and a desert in a "carnivale bowl". What the heck's that you ask? Well, in the US, you apparently have some sort of ritual where you try to toss coins into such a bowl. Di absolutely loved the bowl, and managed to take it home eventually. At some various points through dinner, Pudding, Margret and Silvia showed up.
19h00: In a group effort, we nearly gave the waiter a heart attack, when we all paid our bills seperatly. We left for the Neue Flora theater, because some people were planning to see Tanz that night.
19h45: After making plans for later that night, I walked with Steen and Baal in the general direction of their hotel. I never made it there, because both were trying to get some rest after their trip from Denmark and Norway. I went to my hotel to drop of my record, and maybe read something in my book. After arriving there, I checked my reservations for the train back, and saw that it made absolutely no sense. My train in Osnabrück left before I arrived there. So I went to the station to check their timetables.
20h15: Back at Hamburg Haubtbahnhof. The timetables confused me even more, so I decided to go back in sort it out in the morning. Walked back to my hotel. Really shoulnd't have done that. As a result, my feet were sore (and still are), and Hamburg was totally giving me the creeps. Definatly not my favorite kind of city. Finally, when I got back the hotel, I read some chapters in my book, got a hamburger (while in Rome, do as the romans) and went out again.
23h00: Back at the Neue Flora. The people who did see the show, were absolutly estatic. They loved it. We went to the stagedoor to stalk the cast, but the whole waiting-for-an-autograph-thing didn't work for me.
24h00: We left the theater for the Altona station, to get something to eat. Ended up having spaghetti bolognese, and a stein (keeping it in theme) of some beer that was too bitter for my taste.
01h30: Split a cab with Baal and Klasien, to get back to our hotels (which turned out to be pretty close to each other). Sleep.

Saturday, April 24th, 2004
09h30: I woke up, heard a lot of other people taking a shower, so I decided to stay in bed.
10h30: Got out, took a shower, and went to the Haubtbahnhof to sort out the reservation-freakiness, and to get some breakfast.
11h30: Back to the hotel. In a pure rush of geniality, I only took one reservation with me, and left my ticket at the hotel. I really should have brought the whole thing.
12h30: Haubtbahnhof. Again. I ended up with a new travelplan, which was longer, but I didn't care, as long as I got home in the end.
13h00: With one of my feet sore from the day before, and the heel of the other aching, I headed to the city center. It didn't take me far to realize that I really needed to get off from my feet, so I took the subway. It turned out to be quite a nice ride, I did see something of the harbor, and got off at St. Pauli / Reeperbahn. Against all forms of good judgement on my behalf, I walked down the Reeperbahn, which in the daylight seemed like a very dull version of Amsterdam to me. Ended up taking the S-bahn to Altona, where I got a milkshake, and then headed for my 3 o'clock appointment.
15h00: After waiting around the station, I met up with Johan, and went to the Anno 1905 restaurant, where the big Steingathering was to be held. When I came in, Pud, Will and Jan were already there. It didn't take long for the others, and then some more, to arrive. Jan played around on the piano, we all sung out of tune to 'Bat Out Of Hell', and had some drinks and dinner. The Swiss porc strips in a creamy white wine sauce was absolutely not bad. Neither was the idea of contacting Mel Gibson, and persuade him to make "The Passion of Crawford": the last twelve hours of Micheal Crawford's musical carreer, before he gets crucified for what he's done to Dance Of The Vampires.
18h00: To the theater. Due to some people not showing up, we did a last minute seat switching, and I ended up with a ticket, still front row, but now the 5th seat right from the center. Kewlness.
19h45: My feet were killing me, I needed a toilet break, so I went in and got seated.
20h00: The Overture starts, and we're Tanzin'. When Graf Von Krolock entered the stage, and hit the second verse ("Gott ist tot - nach Ihm wird nicht mehr gesucht...") he had me. The rest of the cast was excelt too, mind you! Absolutely fantastic show.
23h00: After three hours, the show was over. It did absolutely not feel like three hours. Back to the stagedoor!
23h45: Most people got most of the autographs they needed, so it was time for the obligatory groupphoto. Two girls who were just passing by got overwhelmed by the amount of camera's they got, and the sprint they took when they were finished was completly understandable. The previous night, I had spotted a bar with a piano just down the street, and since I had dared to mention that, I was assigned leader of the pack, to guide the way. The bar was there alright, the piano also, but it was horribly out of tune. :( Bummer! But we still managed to have a few drinks, and had a good time.
01h30: The waiter wanted to close the joint, so we had to leave. Most people went to their hotels, but Jan, Klasien and I decided that it was still too early, so we continued the "pub-crawl". After making some final arrangements for lunch te next day, we went back to the theater, to see if the bar there was still open.
01h45: It wasn't. So we went outside again and took a cab. Where to? Where ever the bars are still open.
02h00: That turned out to be the Reeperbahn. We had a few drinks in a few places, that all seemed to be closing not too long after we'd arrive there.
04h00: By this time, we left the Reeperbahn area, and walked for what seemed like an hour in the direction of our hotels. Somehow I'm able to not get (terribly) lost, wherever I am. When we came past my hotel, I gave some final directions to Jan and Klasien, who managed to get lost about 5 minutes later :)
05h00: Sleep.

Sunday, April 25th, 2004
09h00: I've set my alarm for 10am, so I'd have two hours to wake up, take a shower, pack, check out, have some breakfast, and get to the theater. Somehow I managed to wake up at (propably) 9. I completely ignored all signs 'o' the time. Took a shower, packed my bags, checked out, wandered in the general direction of the theater, had some sort of breakfast, and wandered around a bit more. Finally, I installed myself in the early morning sun on the steps of the theater, took out my discman and my book, and time passed.
10h30: When I was sitting there, looking to the departing trains at the stations across the street, I see Klasien walking there. Not much later, I found out it's not 11 o'clock, as I thought it would be. Talked a bit, got some more coffee.
11h00: Then Jan showed up, also a bit early. More talk, and one by one, more people show up for the lunch. After some more grouppictures, we went to the restaurant across the street.
12h00: Had a nice salad for lunch. Our table was by far the quietest of the lot, not quite a suprise, but not totally nice towards the others at the table. My apologies, ladies...
13h45: Since some people went to see the matinee, we had to leave. For some of us, that meant saying goodbye to the lot. It's strange how much I hated to leave a pach of total strangers... Will and I went to the station together, and hung out a bit more.
14h45: From the moment I got on the train in Hamburg, until I got off in Amersfoort, nothing much happened.
20h30: When I closed the frontdoor behind me, I wouldn't have hesitated to go back. This weekend has been one of the best I've had in a long, long time. I'd just like to thank everyone who was there for such a great time. You guys and gals rock!

And for those who'd like to know, the cast from Tanz Der Vampire, April 24, 2004:
Graf von Krolock - Thomas Borchert / Alfred - Max Niemeyer / Prof. Abronsius - Werner Bauer / Sarah - Jessica Kessler / Chagal - Jesse Webb / Magda - Anna Thorén / Rebecca - Jan Merchant / Herbert - Norbert Kohler / Koukol - Kai Helm / Dirigent: Carsten Paap

Blerg.

Since Arie is in Rotterdam, and Pjotr with his mummie, I'm all alone over here in Amersfoort. I'm not the kind of person that would go to a bar alone, so here I am. With some updates for all of you to enjoy.

OK, so what has been happening? Not that much actually. Some work (parttime, some say), a birthday (mine), a dinner-party (and a serious mental mindfuck over that too), and some drinking.

The work part is not that interesting to talk about, except for the fact that I might be meeting the president of Suriname in a couple of weeks.

The birthday was cool. Got some cool presents, and some useless ones too :). My parents came by, Rinsed, Pjotr (du'h, I guess) and Arie (another du'h!) did too. Drank a case of beer (no, not just me), and it was fun. The next day two of my aunts came for dinner. And it was more fun than I had expected it too be.

Then the dinner-party. The backstory is that every month I get together with a couple of friends (9 of them), and we eat. And drink. And have fun. That sort of thing. Guess why it was my turn in January. Anyways, one of the other nine had other obligations, my sister had to work on my birthday, so I invited her too, and I would have liked it when Pjotr and Arie would have been present too. That was when the mindfuck started to happen. I'm not the kind of person who talks easily about myself. In fact, whenever I can dodge that subject, I try to do that. And mostly, it works. I guess, that when I would have said to Arie and Pjotr that I would really like them to be there, they would have been there. But to say "Hey guys, I really would like you to be there saturday", well, I just can't. Maybe I could, but I would feel really uncomfortable. So I didn't do that. I dropped some hints (or at least, I think I did), but all I got was something along the lines of that they were not that interested to sit all evening with people they mostly don't know (fair point), people talking about their kids/being pregnant (that's an assumption) and that they'd rather be elsewhere (Rotterdam/mummie, or at Arie's). Personally, I think I can take a huge load of rejection, but somehow, this did not feel personal. It felt like they were rejecting my friends, and that did not sit well with me. When I talked to my psychologist about this, we came more or less to the conclussion that I really needed to bring it up, and maybe show a side of me I'm not likely to show. I only had one shot at that, the same night. So when I finally saw an oportunity to slide in the "big" question to Pjotr in a casual way, it was still a no. A few minutes later Arie called he was on his way to the 'posa, but at that moment I absolutely felt no desire to go there. So Pjotr went alone, I threw a major fit, an a few minutes later I was on my bike because I would really start to dislike myself if I did not do something about the frustration that was eating me up. I met up with Pjotr just before he got there, and by the time Arie arrived he had assured me I was see(k)ing things that weren't there. Long story short, he and Arie would be there, they even cooked up some kind of pasta, and had an fun evening. Everyone said they had, so unless they're lying, it was fun. At least I know for sure I enjoyed myself.

Then then the drinking. In Amersfoort, there's two bars I (should I say we?) visit on a regular basis. One is Posseidon, our thursdaynight just-to-get-out-of-the-house location. It most definatly is not the kind of bar I would visit on my own. In fact, if it wasn't for the guys, I would never go bacj there again, and not feel bad about it for a millisecond. Then there's the (Mari)'posa. That's another story. It's the friday and saturday hangout. Or place to start, but when you finally leave, all other bars are closed, so you go home :). It's almost always enjoyable, mostly great people behind the bar, decent music (choice and volume), the works. But lately, it seems that whenever I'm away for the weekend, something happens. And when you ask what happend, it always sounds not *that* good, but still... I sometimes wonder if it has something to do with me. We were discussing this topic last thursday, and I almost had a perfect idea on it, but I just could not grab it. Friday I found out what it was:

Ik wil naar huis / Maar als ik daar ben / Ben ik bang dat ik wat mis / En nu ik hier ben / Ben ik bang dat dit het is / Snap je wat ik bedoel?

Great day to one and all. W.

Moved!

Well, just a little.

So all you regular visitors (all two of you :) - one more click to get to the place where nothing happens!

NP: Lana Lane - European Tour 2001 Bootleg - 2.04 - The Prog Medley [05:27]