Please note: this post was prepared in advance.
Today is May 22nd, 2011. That means that one of the following statements is true:
- Yesterday, May 21st, 2011, was Judgment Day, as guaranteed by the bible, or
- Yesterday, May 21st, 2011, was a day just like any other.
If yesterday wasn’t judgment day, that means I’m still around, and I’m going to get a beer this afternoon to celebrate and mock those silly people who really thought they were going to be raptured.
If yesterday was in fact judgment day and the rapture took place, there are two options:
- I was taken up into heaven, or
- I was not taken up into heaven.
If the rapture took place and I was not taken up into heaven, that means that I’m still around, and I’m going to get a beer this afternoon. Not just because I’m just the tiniest bit disappointed, but also because, well, ohmygod the rapture happened!
In case the rapture took place and I was taken up into heaven, I am now with my lord and savior. And since she’s a very good host, the odds are in favor of me having a beer at this very moment. It has been nice knowing you all, so long, thanks for all the fish, and good luck with the coming apocalypse.